Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Classical Conditioning

Well, we are a couple sickies this weekend. We've got some sort of cold/body ache going on.  Last night, we passed out on the family room floor/couch early last night after watching one of the lamest movies ever. I still don't know why I stayed up because I was so exhausted and it was so terrible.

So, our cat Scout can be very hyper. I think it's because he is the equivalent of a 4th grade boy. As such, with the advent of the Christmas tree, Cory and I have had to start his holiday training. Hopefully it won't be his annual holiday training. See, last year, we left the tree up until May (okay, we were too lazy to box it up, so we just moved it into the guest room).

According to Cory, 'kitten' Scout used to climb the tree.  I don't doubt that, because Scout also seems to think he can drink out of my parent's fridge water dispenser (true story, my Mom saw him clinging onto the ledge for dear life).

Well, grown up Scout in his lion like glory is not welcome climbing up my Christmas tree.

So, this is his training:

1. Delaney puts up Christmas tree. Part of the lights don't work. She spends hours trying to fix the lights.

2. Scout is frolicking all around the living room in chaotic excitement. He also tries to suck on the branches and jump through the branches.

3. Delaney yells and beats him. OKAY, okay, PETA. I'm just kidding. More like a good, healthy, swat.

4. Delaney comes home to find a big hole in the middle (can't currently find my camera). Either the tree collapsed in on itself, or Scout took a nap there, hurled himself at the tree in joy, etc.

5. Delaney spends ages getting the beaded garland positioned just right on the tree.

6. Scout wiggles his hips and tries to chase garland.

7. Delaney yells at Scout.

8. Delaney spends hours putting ornaments on tree.

9. Scout paws at ornaments on tree, knocks them off, and wrestles with them. He continues sucking on tree branches.

10. Yelling and beating, swatting, commence. We whip out the spray bottle.

11. He's still the cutest cat ever.

In other news, a friend of mine (the one who told me that he was Maine Coon), told me about the Raw Food diet for cats. Basically that means feeding your cat raw meat. I know, I know, (really, I do) that it sounds crazy. My dad is an ultra germaphobe, especially about things like raw meat. So, if my cat dies by's all me.

But, really, my cat totally pounced on and promptly killed a mouse (it was in our family room!) earlier this spring. He then tried to eat it raw, in my house. That was of course a negative and we shook it out of his mouth onto the porch ( was gone in the morning. which is just wrong). So, when you think about it, cats always have eaten raw mice, birds, rabbits, etc. So, I have tried giving him some see if he likes it. Just a little meat. Yes, I know I'm crazy.

He likes chicken, beef, turkey liver/heart (Thanksgiving), and turkey neck. Pork didn't agree with him. No worries, we still currently leave out the 24 hour kibble buffet. And, he's still as massive as ever. But he is not fat (yet); it's all bone and fur. His goal in life is to never turn into this tub of lard:
My parent's fat cat, Smudge, who almost killed my dad. Too lazy to stand to eat :)

Disclaimer: I don't really beat my cat.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Hand Models

Can I just say that this video is slightly creepy? But, she does have good looking hands. She has an impressive portfolio. That link only shows a handful of stuff she has done. Still, she's a bit of a nutter.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Murphy's Law

So, last week I had an interview for a school receptionist position that I felt pretty good about and I quite wanted to get. Now, let me preface this by saying that I have applied to 30 jobs in Crowley ISD, and about 10-15 via other districts and Craigslist. I've interviewed for a handful.

I've been substitute teaching since October. So, while I do like my "job," I certainly do not love it. So, I'm always looking for something better (especially if it has benefits!). Well, I told myself to not get my hopes up because I probably wouldn't get it. And I didn't. Naturally.

I'm starting to get a complex. Now, don't worry, I know I'm going to get a better job. Eventually. I figure Heavenly Father is trying to teach me a lesson. Since I obviously haven't learned it, I've been brainstorming.

1. I 'm supposed to have a baby. Okay, moving on, that's not it! Let's learn that lesson in a couple years.

2. Cory's theory is that I'm supposed to realize that I shouldn't focus on money. I fixate on saving money. The plan was for us to pocket my entire teaching paycheck, pay off all of his student loans in a year, and save up a 10-20% down payment for a home. Since I didn't get a teaching job, I've focused more on being a bit more frugal so we can still slowly meet our goals.

3. I would have had a mental breakdown balancing starting a brand new school year, moving into a brand new townhouse, moving to a brand new city, and supporting Cory in a brand new job, while he worked 80-90 hours a week...possible. Okay, fine, very possible.

4. I'll meet some great contact subbing that will lead me to a great opportunity....we'll see.

Well, until I figure it out, Let's go with this last option:

5. Murphy's Law: "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong".

I'm currently leaning towards this one because while I am frustrated I don't have a better job, I'm almost just as frustrated with my jaw. I seriously think I have Temporomandibular joint disorder. Why? Because my jaw locks and pops nearly constantly.

It's probably all my fault. In case you were ever wondering what the best type of gum on earth's Orbit Sweet Mint. I went through the Costco sized packs in college (especially my senior year) like no one's business.

And the most disgusting type of gum? Orbit Lemon Lime. It tastes like cleaning supplies. I'm serious.

Anyways, the addiction mellowed a bit my first year teaching, but the damage had been done.

My jaw started popping and getting stuck in 2009. Last Friday night, the tally was 20 times in an hour. However, sometimes it is more or less. It's ALWAYS annoying. Especially when I have to do this very talented poke and pull deal to unlock my jaw every. single. morning. So, I've been looking into doctors/dentists...but we only have health insurance. No dental.

Here are some things that will always happen (sooner or later):

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now. SO TRUE

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you look really disgusting.

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease (or baking batter, dirt, etc.), your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

Law of Physical Surfaces
If you drop an open-faced jam sandwich or peanut butter toast, it will land face down on the carpet or rug. Especially if the carpet is brand new.

Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.